Making Her World Smaller

I think God has been impressing upon me more and more that we need to make Joelle's world smaller. What I mean by that is that she cannot emotionally handle what is going on in her life right now. The culmination of this was a Super Bowl party we had on Sunday with one other family. It was by no means a wild party but obviously it was too much for her.

I watched as she became manic and was swinging from people like a monkey swings from a tree! She was clearly out of control and going back full throttle to her orphanage behavior. That behavior stood her in good stead for those three years, in fact it probably saved her life. But, now she has to learn that she is safe and does not need those behaviors to get her needs met. The danger of those behaviors is that she gets her own needs met and does not learn to run back to Mommy or Daddy when she has a need. Our job is to teach her that she no longer needs those behaviors and they are dangerous to her, in fact.

The interesting and sad fact for those on the outside is that they think this is who she is. We get a lot of well meaning people saying, "Oh, these behaviors are normal!" and they try to equate them with their securely attached biological child. No, these behaviors are most certainly NOT normal! They also delight in her "personality" as she acts charming and bends over backwards to perform.This mask is also not who she is. I am excited to get to know the beautiful child underneath all of these layers of protection! When she feels safe, when she feels secure, then we will see more of that child.

In the meantime, our job is to make her world smaller. That means less of the things that she cannot handle yet. Not as many play date's, not as much busyness, not as much loud and boisterous play, more time in Mommy and Daddy's arms, less time in others arms. When you first bring home an adopted child it is recommended that the child only be held by the parents and they are the only ones who meet the child's needs for a period of time. We did this with Joelle when we brought her home but if I had it to do over again I would have done this for a longer period of time. I would have made her world smaller at that time. We cannot change the fact that we had to move the family after only eight months of being home from China. This has been terribly difficult on Joelle. We cannot change that reality but I know that God will use it for her good. Our God is a good, sovereign God who has our best in mind.

So, although we cannot change some of these facts, we can make some changes to help her feel more secure. Those changes will be less busyness, less computer, TV and zone out time ( she did not have much of this anyway), and more quiet time spent with family. There will be less travel when we get home to Georgia and less visitors. I am totally hopeful for her future and I can't wait to see what beautiful things God does in Joelle's life!

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