Thoughts for the Day
I was thinking yesterday about a few critical things I have learned through this whole process. And this is what I came up with.
Prevention goes a long way. What I mean by that is that we can do some things that avoid or put off the huge melt down or aggressive behavior that makes life so difficult for all parties. Individual time with the child, one on one play, bonding time whatever you want to call it is very important. Bottle feeding if they missed that stage, rocking them in a rocking chair, etc.
The second "epiphany" that I had was that healing takes place in the home. I was so frustrated by the fact that we could not find a therapist who had experience with her issues. I was wanting to send her to someone who would "fix" the problem and make us a happy family. The "fixing" takes place when the child feels secure and safe in our home. If the child feels unattached or insecure then they will continue to act out. This is why the parents have to change as much if not more than the child.
Listening was a huge issue for both of our girls! Do not underestimate the healing factor of having a child that feels understood and heard. We used to cut our girls off due to the "respect" factor and we did not realize that it caused them great anxiety and frustration. We can teach respect and still hear what our children have to say. If they express it incorrectly then we gently correct them and have them try it respectfully. Respect is not where it needs to be in our household but it is going in the right direction. When I get frustrated I have to remind myself that this train has been off the track a long time and it will take some time to get it righted.
Learn how to de-escalate melt downs as you see them coming on. This can be done by a gentle tone and listening heart on our part as parents. I also try to think about whether they need a snack or water. Their tolerance level for long spans without food or water is not good. Just as in many other areas, they don't seem to have the flexibility that securely attached biological children seem to have. It helps to push protein snacks and water regularly. Their brains were affected by their past trauma and lack of nutrition and therefore they cannot bounce back as well as some kids.
We need to teach them how to have a voice and how to resolve conflict with their siblings. It does not come naturally to them and it is a subtle and hard subject to teach. We have to "walk" our girls through conflict resolution. Give them permission to tell their sibling how they feel and then teach them how to express it in a loving, Christ like manner. Walk them through the process of apology and asking forgiveness. This has been one of the hardest things for our girls to learn. We are still working on this one:)
Prevention goes a long way. What I mean by that is that we can do some things that avoid or put off the huge melt down or aggressive behavior that makes life so difficult for all parties. Individual time with the child, one on one play, bonding time whatever you want to call it is very important. Bottle feeding if they missed that stage, rocking them in a rocking chair, etc.
The second "epiphany" that I had was that healing takes place in the home. I was so frustrated by the fact that we could not find a therapist who had experience with her issues. I was wanting to send her to someone who would "fix" the problem and make us a happy family. The "fixing" takes place when the child feels secure and safe in our home. If the child feels unattached or insecure then they will continue to act out. This is why the parents have to change as much if not more than the child.
Listening was a huge issue for both of our girls! Do not underestimate the healing factor of having a child that feels understood and heard. We used to cut our girls off due to the "respect" factor and we did not realize that it caused them great anxiety and frustration. We can teach respect and still hear what our children have to say. If they express it incorrectly then we gently correct them and have them try it respectfully. Respect is not where it needs to be in our household but it is going in the right direction. When I get frustrated I have to remind myself that this train has been off the track a long time and it will take some time to get it righted.
Learn how to de-escalate melt downs as you see them coming on. This can be done by a gentle tone and listening heart on our part as parents. I also try to think about whether they need a snack or water. Their tolerance level for long spans without food or water is not good. Just as in many other areas, they don't seem to have the flexibility that securely attached biological children seem to have. It helps to push protein snacks and water regularly. Their brains were affected by their past trauma and lack of nutrition and therefore they cannot bounce back as well as some kids.
We need to teach them how to have a voice and how to resolve conflict with their siblings. It does not come naturally to them and it is a subtle and hard subject to teach. We have to "walk" our girls through conflict resolution. Give them permission to tell their sibling how they feel and then teach them how to express it in a loving, Christ like manner. Walk them through the process of apology and asking forgiveness. This has been one of the hardest things for our girls to learn. We are still working on this one:)
I have tears. So excited for your successes and future successes! :)
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