Heather Forbes Class
Well, last night we had our Online Parenting Class with Heather Forbes. Each time I learn something new! The topic was Aggression. Whenever the girls get aggressive I am always left with the thought, "How could I have handled that differently?"
I have been thinking a lot about some of the recent melt downs. One thing that stood out to me in the class last night was giving a child voice for their anger and frustration. If we can show them how to express their frustrations with words then many times they wont get aggressive. I used to think I was pretty good at this but I am starting to think this might not be the case. Many times I think we can "de-escalate" the melt downs by how we handle them. We have a lot of power as adults and we can wield that power well or poorly. I am realizing lately that sometimes I am not a very good listener. God has been showing me that I cut the girls off because they are not being "respectful" or I feel like they are arguing. We do need to teach our children respect for our authority but I think I need a better way of teaching this. Maybe, I allow them to say what they want and then teach them afterwards to say it respectfully.
I can tell sometimes that Joelle gets so frustrated when she tries to express herself. I need Jesus to teach me how to do a better job with this.
I have been thinking a lot about some of the recent melt downs. One thing that stood out to me in the class last night was giving a child voice for their anger and frustration. If we can show them how to express their frustrations with words then many times they wont get aggressive. I used to think I was pretty good at this but I am starting to think this might not be the case. Many times I think we can "de-escalate" the melt downs by how we handle them. We have a lot of power as adults and we can wield that power well or poorly. I am realizing lately that sometimes I am not a very good listener. God has been showing me that I cut the girls off because they are not being "respectful" or I feel like they are arguing. We do need to teach our children respect for our authority but I think I need a better way of teaching this. Maybe, I allow them to say what they want and then teach them afterwards to say it respectfully.
I can tell sometimes that Joelle gets so frustrated when she tries to express herself. I need Jesus to teach me how to do a better job with this.
You are on the right track on this! YEA! You are exactly right. You can't eat an elephant all at once. But you can eat it one bite at a time.
ReplyDeleteThis was a HUGE issue with Miss Alli. She was so frustrated trying to express herself and it always came out disrespectfully. We allowed her to express herself and THEN would teach her when she was calm, how to say it differently, explaining, it is ok to be upset or angry, but it is not ok to scream at mama or say things in a rude way.
We started with not climbing up trees when she was angry. Then, we moved to not screaming and running through the house. Then, we worked on her physical aggression...and then rudeness, and now tone of voice.
WHEW! :)
Wow, glad to see it is working for you guys! Today was a REAL struggle! I felt like I tried soooo hard to do it right but it still all fell down around me! I am very tired and frustrated tonight. I am overwhelmed because both girls need constant and I mean constant help and attention! I was trying to get them to clean up their rooms today and I was running back and forth between their rooms helping and Joelle was still having melt downs. They have not cleaned their rooms in days and Mike feels like if they were more busy with chores that it would help their attitudes. Honestly, it is like pulling teeth to get them to do something simple. I ask myself - How is it after almost eight years that Zoe is not farther along? Zoe is still refusing to cooperate and she is intentionally doing things now to get back at Joelle - so the cycle continues. Joelle is pinching, kicking and hitting Zoe and Zoe is being angry and playing the victim. It really is better than it was - I'm just tired and cranky and frustrated myself! Both girls are being so rude and defiant that it wears me out! Right now this elephant looks huge - LOL!
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